Life is weird. Sometimes as much as you wish sometimes that things would just stand still and stay that way, it doesn’t. It may be as subtle as the flutter of insect wings, or as dramatic as a disastrous tornado, but you can’t stop change.
I struggle with my head, lately, it seems like the hardest thing to do to just get out of bed. It’s not always like that, i’ve gone months where I feel fine, like a nearly ‘normal’ person. But I fell down a while ago, and I can’t seem to find my footing to stand back up straight again.
My head gets filled with, what ifs, how comes. I cling to things. I don’t let go easy. I can show the face I want the world to see, but I’m so scared of feeling. Sometimes I’m surprised at just how open I am on here, how much I share, how vulnerable I let myself be.
Moving forward is hard. Moving on. I’m about to turn 27 in a few days and I am still so lost. I know I’m not alone in that. I know what I what, my general life goal. I know that I can’t have the current specifics of that dream, but I also know that the specifics will change, I can already feel myself letting that part of myself go.
The future is scary. It’s unknown and that terrifies me, but then again, I don’t want to know. I need to keep looking forward, moving forward, pushing through. If I need to stay in bed and lose myself in a book to get me through some days, I will, because I want a future.
So, apologies for the lack of blog posts. I’ve just been trying to keep myself alive. I pushed myself out to my friends housewarming and had a great time. Met new people, got a little drunk, let myself live a little. It was good.
I’m hoping June is going to be a bit of a month of transformation. I’m hoping by the end of the year I will be back to being a butterfly.
Photos by me. Word graphics from Pinterest.