Everyday,  Personal

Oh so deep and meaningful.

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Life is weird. Sometimes as much as you wish sometimes that things would just stand still and stay that way, it doesn’t. It may be as ┬ásubtle as the flutter of insect wings, or as dramatic as a disastrous tornado, but you can’t stop change.

I struggle with my head, lately, it seems like the hardest thing to do to just get out of bed. It’s not always like that, i’ve gone months where I feel fine, like a nearly ‘normal’ person. But I fell down a while ago, and I can’t seem to find my footing to stand back up straight again.

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My head gets filled with, what ifs, how comes. I cling to things. I don’t let go easy. I can show the face I want the world to see, but I’m so scared of feeling. Sometimes I’m surprised at just how open I am on here, how much I share, how vulnerable I let myself be.

Moving forward is hard. Moving on. I’m about to turn 27 in a few days and I am still so lost. I know I’m not alone in that. I know what I what, my general life goal. I know that I can’t have the current specifics of that dream, but I also know that the specifics will change, I can already feel myself letting that part of myself go.

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The future is scary. It’s unknown and that terrifies me, but then again, I don’t want to know. I need to keep looking forward, moving forward, pushing through. If I need to stay in bed and lose myself in a book to get me through some days, I will, because I want a future.

So, apologies for the lack of blog posts. I’ve just been trying to keep myself alive. I pushed myself out to my friends housewarming and had a great time. Met new people, got a little drunk, let myself live a little. It was good.

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I’m hoping June is going to be a bit of a month of transformation. I’m hoping by the end of the year I will be back to being a butterfly.

Photos by me. Word graphics from Pinterest.