• Everyday,  Personal

    Oh so deep and meaningful.

    Life is weird. Sometimes as much as you wish sometimes that things would just stand still and stay that way, it doesn’t. It may be as  subtle as the flutter of insect wings, or as dramatic as a disastrous tornado, but you can’t stop change. I struggle with my head, lately, it seems like the hardest thing to do to just get out of bed. It’s not always like that, i’ve gone months where I feel fine, like a nearly ‘normal’ person. But I fell down a while ago, and I can’t seem to find my footing to stand back up straight again. My head gets filled with, what ifs,…

  • Everyday,  Personal

    Heartbreak & Mental Health

    Heartbreak sucks. There isn’t a really nice way to put it. It is utterly devastating and even though you aren’t actually injured in any way, you are in a world of pain. It’s also amazing the amount of ways heartbreak can come about. Death. A break up. The realisation that a dream won’t come true. It can come from a family member, a friend, a lover, even an animal. Having BPD means a heightened sense of emotions, what may feel like an 4 for most people will be a 9 on my scale of things. I’ve learnt over the years to be hyper aware of my emotions, to try and ground them…

  • Everyday,  Personal

    Things I need to remember…

    I’m only human. Sometimes you can push yourself, your body, too far. You can’t control everything & that’s probably a good thing. Sometimes, you need to let go. It may hurt, but it may also heal. Choose wisely, because while you need to let some things go, you may also need to fight for what you want. Be patient. Never lose hope. Stay true to yourself. You ARE worth it. What are some things you need to remember? Is there something else I should add to my list?

  • Personal,  Uncategorized

    Yet another funk.

    I’m in a funk. Again. Not a good kind of funk either. The after holiday blues. Please tell me i’m not the only one who gets sad after a holiday? It also seems I lost any luck I had on the way home from the airport. It’s lots of little things. Misplacing my keycard. Slipping over at the shops, actually, I can’t even list the amount of silly ways I’ve hurt myself. From slamming my hand down on the corner of a chair, to having a giant slab of ice fly off from my freezer and hit me in the face. The little things build up, and they get to…

  • Everyday,  Personal

    Emotionally spent. Emotional spending.

    When i’m emotional, I spend. It took me a long time to realise it, and even long to admit it, to myself & others. Emotional spending is one of the things that goes hand in hand with my mental disorder, but out of the list of negative things, for example drug use, unsafe sex, gambling and crazy driving, I’m glad that this is the one that I have the most problems with. That being said, I’ve certainly learnt to handle it better. Simple things. I don’t own a credit card, and honestly, I don’t ever want to. This means, I can only spend what I have. I have a separate savings account, that I…