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Life Musings. ⋆ natatree

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Life Musings.

April 17, 2012 Everyday Personal

First of all, sorry that the blog went down over the weekend. Of course it had to go down on the weekend I was away from my computer and had VERY limited net access. Oh well, all that matters is that it’s back up, and running better then ever, thanks to Sucuri!

Sharing on my blog is sometimes difficult. I always try to be open, I talk about things that effect my life, my mental illness, some of the day to day dribbles, my love of animals, of fashion, of accepting myself. Truth is, i’m very much a shy and insecure person. I find it hard opening up to people, even more so lately, and talking about some things on my blog is just hard. Trying to figure out the line of what to share, and what not to share. What I feel comfortable with, and what I think needs to be said.

I’ve been trying to sort out my life. In a way, it seems like ever since I picked up my life in Adelaide last June, and moved back to Sydney, I’ve been trying to ‘sort out my life’. Thing is, I’m just kind of hanging. I’m 25, and I feel stuck. I don’t know what I want to be ‘when I grow up’. For so long, whenever my psych asks me “What do you want out of life“, my answer is “To be happy“. Then I get to thinking “well, what will make me happy and how do I go about achieving it“.

I spent some of the time away reflecting. I know what my dream would be. To own my own house, to be able to decorate it and do it up as I like. It would be on a little bit of land, so I can surround myself with nature and animals. I’d blog, freelance graphic design, and create. For so long, i’ve always wanted to have some land to be able to save animals from death row, give them extra time to find homes, or to care/ raise/ rehabilitate injured / orphaned animals. I started a vet nurse course, but couldn’t finish it, I don’t have the ability to do certain things that needed to be done. I’d like to study more, i’m not sure exactly, there  is so many fields to do with animals, it’s just money, and confidence.

I’d like to travel, part of me just wants to escape, and travel, see the world. Though, I don’t think it will happen. Travelling is so expensive, and honestly, in the long run, I think i’d prefer the security of my own home. I do feel blessed to live in Australia though, there is so much amazing land to explore, and of course, New Zealand isn’t too far away. That being said, if by the time Frodo passes, if I haven’t kind of ‘settled down’ somewhere, i’m very much considering packing my bags and spending 6 months in New Zealand.

Of course, i’d love to share my life with someone. Someone with similar interests, who loves me. Who would make me laugh and hold me when I cried. Who understands my passion for things. Who accepts my sometimes crazy nerdy self. I want to get married one day. I’m still a little unsure about children, though animals are a MUST.

But who knows where the road will take me. As I said, i’m still trying to sort my life out. Trying to find a job, figure out money, get my head straight. I do know, that this blog has helped so much. The people i’ve met, who have emailed, commented, reached out, have been amazing. That it’s brought me some opportunities I never dared to imagine. I’m lucky to have amazing parents and a supportive family. Some great friends. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge and at the end of the day, I crawl into bed with Mr Frodo. While I may feel stuck, at least i’m stuck somewhere full of love.

  • Sarah
    April 17, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Being stuck somewhere filled with love is the most important.  Especially if it is furry Frodo love!

    Your dream house sounds amazing. I truly hope you find it:)  Life is filled with sorting our heads out and thinking about what we’ll be when we grow up. The hard thing is not letting life slip by while doing these things.

    My dream is also just to be happy. Sometimes all my energy is taken up just trying to get by but happiness is always the destination!

  • Joelyne Thesydneygirl
    April 18, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    I enjoyed reading this, because I can relate to a lot of it. Right now I can’t express it, but I can say that I understand and that it will get better. It really will.

    It’s great that you have love around you, and your cute doggie. Being around nature helps, and having an awesome hobby that you love – your blog.

    I think life is interesting and a challenge, because you have to strive to be happy, and be on the search to find more and more of what makes you happy. And I’ve found it’s the small simple things that do it for me.

  • Nessbow
    April 19, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    This was a really great read.  I found a lot of what you said to be totally relatable.  I feel so frustrated sometimes because I do know what I want, but I don’t know how to get from where I am to that nebulous happy place.  There are also some areas of my life where I’m unsure of my goals, which is equally frustrating.  I feel as though I should know by now.