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Confessionals.
Sometimes, it’s hard to give up the past. It’s hard to look into the future and think of the positive. You get caught up reliving memories. You get stuck on the what ifs. I’ve been doing that a bit lately. What if? What if? Life throws curve balls at you when you least expect it. I try to keep positive, but it’s not always easy. I could say life isn’t easy, but then I feel bad, because compaired to so many others, my life is a piece of cake, but for me, I struggle. Struggle with the mundane. Even if I have become somewhat cynical, somewhat bitter, I still have…
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Outfits and feelings = grey.
Things have been hard for me at the moment. July is a month full of bad/hard memories. If it wasn’t for the fact that Frodo’s birthday is smack bang right in the middle of the month, i’d consider hibernating. I am way too emotional for my own good. Despite the mourning of a baby 4 years lost, a grandmother 3 years gone, the death of friendships & loves, life goes on. Which means, well, I have to get up and do stuff. I’ve not been in the mood to go outside, set everything up and take outfit photos, but i’ve been snapping them on my phone and posting them to…
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Heartbreak & Mental Health
Heartbreak sucks. There isn’t a really nice way to put it. It is utterly devastating and even though you aren’t actually injured in any way, you are in a world of pain. It’s also amazing the amount of ways heartbreak can come about. Death. A break up. The realisation that a dream won’t come true. It can come from a family member, a friend, a lover, even an animal. Having BPD means a heightened sense of emotions, what may feel like an 4 for most people will be a 9 on my scale of things. I’ve learnt over the years to be hyper aware of my emotions, to try and ground them…
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A post is which I ramble about stuff.
Sometimes I worry if I share too much on my blog, I don’t share it all, it’s only the tip of the iceberg but being so open on the internet can be hard. Blogging about fashion is easy, blogging about body acceptance comes natural to me, but being open and sharing stuff about my mental health can be hard. What if it puts people off? What if it jeoperdises working with a brand in the future? Then I remember, this is MY blog, and everybody has problems. My life is in scrambles at the moment. I don’t know which was is up and I feel so tired. Half my stuff is…
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Emotionally spent. Emotional spending.
When i’m emotional, I spend. It took me a long time to realise it, and even long to admit it, to myself & others. Emotional spending is one of the things that goes hand in hand with my mental disorder, but out of the list of negative things, for example drug use, unsafe sex, gambling and crazy driving, I’m glad that this is the one that I have the most problems with. That being said, I’ve certainly learnt to handle it better. Simple things. I don’t own a credit card, and honestly, I don’t ever want to. This means, I can only spend what I have. I have a separate savings account, that I…