Dear Mr Frodo. Four years on.

Dear Mr Frodo,

Today marks 4 years since I last held you in my arms. 4 years since I last petted you, since you licked my tears away. It feels like yesterday, yet it feels like 10 years ago. I miss you so much, but it has become easier. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it makes them bearable.

The main difference now is Tonky is with you. I don’t really believe in life after death for humans, but for some reason, the thought of you and Tonka being over the rainbow bridge together comforts me. Hopefully, Bayley, Emily, Betsy, Prince, King, Billy and all my other babies (and fur siblings) are living it up with you somewhere. Thinking that you’d be waiting for Tonka helped make his loss easier. I felt that with losing Tonka I’d lost my last thread to you. I didn’t though, you will always be in my heart and soul.

I still thank you so much for everything you did for me, and still do. My mental health still isn’t the greatest and I actually found myself curled up hugging your urn many months ago. Probably a bit creepy, but when my head is bad the old routine of “Frodo and bed” still kicks in. My brain is weird, but you already knew that and you loved me so fiercely despite it all.

I’m still scared i’ll never love anyone as much as you. I want to, but I also don’t want to. I know you’d want me to. I still don’t have another dog though, mainly because it’s too hard with renting. Luckily I have met some amazing people who have an amazing dog breed that let me come and play with their dogs. I’m not alone though, I have more cats. You’d love them, then again, you loved pretty much everyone. Louis was extra snuggly with me today, he’s not a snuggly cat, but I think he knew I need it.

I miss you so much. So so so so so much. It’s probably bad to say, but I don’t miss anyone the way I miss you. I’d do almost anything just to spend another day with you. I know it may be weird, still writing these letters, but I guess it’s my way of dealing. Of grieving.

Love you, little man. You are missed by so many.
xoxo Mum