I’ve never really been one to do New Years Resolutions. I tend to write down a list of goals, but I don’t beat myself up if I don’t achieve them. This year, as I was thinking of what I wanted to change this year, what I wanted to improve, one of the main things that I decided on was “Don’t be afraid“.

I then asked myself “Don’t be afraid of what, Natalie?“. Don’t be afraid of being myself. Of having my own opinions and being able to voice them. Of dressing how I want. Of getting out into the world, living my life the way I want.

I don’t know when I became so scared. When I was a teen I would dress up however I wanted and spend hours doing my make up. I went through a goth stage, a hippie stage, I’d get weird looks, but I didn’t care. I think it was anxiety became a serious problem in my life and just being in a shopping center would trigger a bad attack.

I’ve never been a ‘wallflower’. I don’t think I could be with such colourful hair and piercings, but I started dressing a bit more conservatively. I started agreeing with other people or keeping my mouth shut. I kind of retreated and forgot that I had an opinion and what I though and what I wanted in life mattered.

I found with blogging, I felt like to be successful, I needed to be more mainstream, but I think in doing that, I lost a bit of myself. I would worry too much about what other people would think. But you know what? I am a bit eclectic! I like to rock d resses with dogs on it with a petticoat, and shark crop tops, and sometimes I like to dress up and let my teenage goth out for awhile. Believe it or not, some of these posts were a bit hard for me to share, because I was afraid.

I guess it’s something I’ve been working on over the past few years, but THIS YEAR, I’m going to make even more progress. Some of the things I’ve written on my goals list is as follows…