Neysha and I trying on sunglasses at Sportsgirl. Me about to try Max Brenner for the first time. Images by Neysha.
Doing things that are out of your comfort zones is hard. Myself, I’m not so good at doing things by myself. I can be quite self conscious and anxious. I can’t catch a bus in Sydney, I can do it if I’m with a friend, but by myself, nope, can’t step on one. I can catch a train in Sydney most days though. It’s frustrating to say the least, it’s something that so many people take for granted, but for me, it’s something that I just can’t do, when I try, it often provokes panic attacks that honestly feels like the end of the world. Over dramatic, yes, but true. It’s the way i’m wired.
I don’t like being so co-dependant, I want to be able to get out and do things, I want to be able to go and enjoy myself, make friends, have a life, but sometimes it seems my brain and body is againts me, but I’m fighting it. I caught a train into Parramatta yesterday, it used to be 2 stations away, not its like 8, a 20-30 minute journey. I’ve done it once since moving here, but only one way & with my Mother. I did it by myself yesterday, and then did the return trip, which was a first for me, at 9pm at night, to Penrith, yes, Penrith.
Train Selfie, and my epic meal at Max Brenner. One waffle was left untouched. Whoops.
I did fine, and I’m proud of myself. The trip to Parra at 3pm saw a lady yelling at another lady that she was “gunna cut” her, the train stopped for 5 minutes due to a bush fire (I’ve never seen one so close, right next to the track!!), I was hit on by a high school boy, and a guy proceeded to roll a smoke and stand in between the carriages to smoke it. But I survived. I always do. So why does it seem like such a big thing to me? I’m not sure.
Anyway, the reason I was in Parramatta was to meet up with fellow #aussiecurves participant Neysha. I’m trying to ‘get out’ and ‘meet people’ find some more ‘friends’. This too was a big step, I say I’m shy, but it’s hard to explain. I can talk a persons ear off, but I’m still anxious, I’ve learnt to kind of ‘fake it’ until I feel comfortable enough to just relax and enjoy myself. Needless to say, Neysha and I had a lot in common and spent a lot of time talking life and of course fashion!